Conducting business properly

Category: Books,Citations  |  July 28, 2010, 9:09 pm ,

A fascinating contemplation (and supporting anecdote) of the corporate male bathroom experience, from The Mezzanine by Nicolson Baker:

The absence of stealth or shame that men, colleagues of mine, displayed about their misfortunes in the toilet stall had been an unexpected surprise of business life. I admired their forthrightness in a way; and perhaps in fifteen years I too would be spending twenty-minute stretches in similar corporate stalls, making sounds that I had once believed were made only by people in the extremity of the flu or by bums beyond caring in urban library bathrooms. But for now, I used the stalls as little as possible, never really at ease reading the sports section left there by an earlier occupant, not happy about the prewarmed seat. One time, while I was locked behind a stall, I did unintentionally interrupt a conversation between a member of senior management and an important visitor with a loud curt fart like the rap of the bongo drum. The two paused momentarily; and then recovered without dropping a stitch–”Oh she is a very, very capable young woman, I’m quite clear on that.” “She is a sponge, a sponge, she soaks up information everywhere she goes.” “She really is. And she’s tough, that’s the thing. She’s got armor.” “She’s a major asset to us.” Etc. Unfortunately, the grotesque intrusion of my fart struck me as funny, and I sat on the toilet containing my laughter with the back of my palate–this pressure of containment forced a further, smaller fart. Silently I pounded my knee, squinting and maroon-colored from suppressed hysteria.